I’m getting over it.
I think what’s helping the most is just being by myself for a bit, despite how much I didn’t want to be alone when it all hit me. I got to clear my head of anything, free myself from thinking myself into mental despair. It was only then that I could let myself feel anything because I needed a lot of room in my head to do that. I felt everything for a while: hurt, disappointed, nostalgic, distant, scared, sad, angry. Just anything besides happy. At the same time, I was emotionless. There was nothing left to feel anymore, yet everything is still felt. I didn’t know that it was possible to feel like that.
It’s okay that I feel that way, though. Now I’m just mad at letting myself go through all of that when I have a million other things on my list to worry about. But it’s okay now because I have people that love and care about me anyway, and I know they will try to help me make things right for myself.
Break is over! So time to get back to business and make this semester really count!
I didn’t do much at all, but I think that’s the part I miss the most. Not having to do anything while still being around the people I love the most. And being able to sleep all day.
Just one and a half more months, and I’ll be home once more.
At the same time, I wish that time left would last a little longer.
Guess you can’t have everything!
Poetry is when something that can never be alive has feelings. You know it has those feelings because you can feel them too.
Like words. When we hear and use words in daily conversation, we might know what it means, but it’s really rare to feel what you’re saying or what you’re listening to. But when you come across something like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_j4pbBY6V8, you don’t have to be actively paying attention to every word to be in the same realm. There’s no need to be picky or worried about missing some key phrase. It just holistically is what it is, and you can feel that. You don’t need a PhD in English or several decades worth of published books to do that. You just need feelings and a personally elegant way to convey those feelings.
Like pictures. I like pictures with a classic silhouette against a rising/setting sun at the beach. It carries a meaning of being against the world, and I recognize that. I don’t really relate to it at all, though. I just can’t feel that rushing adrenaline of that emotion from just looking at that picture. But when I look at a black and white photograph of a person I’ve never seen before, I feel like I can hear that person’s voice talking to me. It’s weird though because even though I feel like someone’s talking to me, I’m not hearing any words. It’s as though I’m just there to listen to a voice.
Not a… groundbreaking discovery, but I haven’t really thought about it like that. I remember I used to write poems when I was a little kid. My fourth grade teacher took a look at one of them and encouraged me to keep writing like that. It was on a lot of stuff I thought at the time was all meaningless. I threw away a lot of those poems because I thought they were crap and no one would want to read them. For the few that I can remember I wrote, I won’t say that it’s the pure, moving poetry that I’ve talked about, but there’s a connection there. If one of my friends had read it, I don’t think they’d get that connection I’m talking about.
I’m thinking that maybe that connection is my walk down memory lane. Even though I wrote about stupid little things like after-school snacks or dolphins, the only important thing to me is that the person who wrote it was myself as a ten year old. I just never thought about what I was like when I was a kid. I never took myself seriously back then, and I probably still don’t take my ten year old self seriously.
I think that’s the problem. No one takes kids seriously, and kids are too young to take themselves seriously.
I don’t mean “take them seriously” like have them be thrown into the real world and drilled to succeed through position, power, and money. I’m just saying maybe they know enough of the real world to tell you something you’ve always overlooked. You just have to listen to them, feel what they’re saying.
Everyone can be a poet. You just have to let them.
- Grandpa: omfg GAOXIUNG IS SO HOT! SO HOT!
- Me: What temperature?
- Grandpa: OMFG SO HOT all my shirts get so sticky! But it's okay. Cuz when I go back to Taipei, it's really really cold. SO COLD! Tell your dad I said happy birthday.
I won’t go on too much about why I can’t sleep tonight. I have a decently full day tomorrow, and it’s nearly four thirty. I really should try to sleep.
But I don’t want to dream. I’m afraid that my dreams for the first time in a long while will make me regret opening my eyes the following morning.
It’s not ignorance. Hope is bliss. But you can only have so much or else it’s just not worth it to keep dreaming just to have those wishes unfulfilled.
I just want to sleep. Empty sleep.
You’re just the part of me I can’t let go” —“Hard to Say I’m Sorry”- Chicago
”I wouldn’t know.” —The King’s Speech
It was a normal day for a long time. It was normal even when it wasn’t day anymore.
It’s impossible for my boyfriend to even sleep tonight… I feel the same.
That’s the thing about disasters that make them so terrible. They just hit you when you least expect it. It would have been terrible enough had this earthquake not been the fifth largest one in three hundred years.
It’s times like these when you feel most appreciative about that normal day you’ve had so far, yet also feel most heartbroken just by reading a few words from a headline. It’s times like these when you feel the most love for strangers and the people around you all at once.
My thoughts are with Japan and to all its people. Stay strong because the rest of the world is reaching out to you.
I got sick.
[/end of the worldddd!!!!!!!!]
Nah, I’ll be okay. Really.
Go to sleep, fools!