That guy’s voice never gets old. Sooo smooth. Really soothes your heart on the grayest of days, like now. Haha, wow, I didn’t think the atmosphere would feel worse than it was at Berkeley.
I thought I was going to see my friends like everyday this winter break, or at least every time I had the chance to. But I guess I can’t. I feel pretty bad about it, but I guess there’s not much I can do.
Sometimes, plans run into conflicts with plans I already made. And when there’s no conflict, I’m not allowed to go driving. And when I’m allowed to go driving… Ah, wait. That hasn’t happened yet.
I think I see what all those lousy teenagers mean in those movies when they complain about not being treated like an adult by their parents. It’s not like they see me like a little baby who’s incapable of doing anything, but still… If I have a license, I want to use it. I guess this means I’m a lousy teenager too. Yay, about time!
I mean, I don’t think I suck at driving. Hm. Maybe they think so.
Added to bucket list: Get better at driving and go on the highway!
I’ll miss everybody when they go back to school.
3 days left for the year! I’m going to try and make these days happier than I feel right now ><”! My mom’s side of the family is visiting this week, so I’m looking forward to sharing a good time with them.
It’s kind of scary to think that these times I’ll be spending with my family are very limited now. Someday, I’ll be starting a new career and possibly my own family, and even though having a fresh start is always nice, I’ll still be moving away from the old life I had which includes my old family. And around that time, my cousins and sister will be doing the same. A few of my relatives might retire from the medical field (notice how I didn’t just use the general term “jobs”. Yeah, I’m not kidding. EVERY one of my aunts and uncles are in that field, even the ones that married in. Sigh, I’m in such an Asian family.), and soon we will all be following the same pattern of drifting away. The time where our paths have neatly crossed over each other is coming to a close. I think it’s better that I see this now rather than later when it might be too late, but it still makes me feel like I miss those times already. I’m lucky that I’m not as distanced from my family now as a lot of people I know, so I think this week is going to be a good chance for me to really appreciate the people that have been there for me since day one.
I hope I get to have a birthday that was better than last year’s. Which I think is pretty easy to beat since I just spent all day doing college applications. Haha… I was pretty upset at myself about that. Good thing I’m already in college now!
I was watching this one documentary about dreaming that was part of the Extras BluRay Disc that came with the Inception BluRay my family got. I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned from watching it ever since. Usually that’s a good thing, but it’s sort of gotten to the point where I can’t really get it out of my head. The stuff I learned really resonates with what I read about in my Intro to Psychology class (which says a lot considering how I didn’t believe a lot of what was written in our readings. It’s just really hard to get hard, scientific proof on whatever’s going on in our mind, and without that proof, I just can’t really believe anything.). I might seriously consider continuing on with psychology when my college schedule lets me. Even if I have my doubts about this course, it’s still sort of interesting to see what these people can come up with. Sigh, those courses may never show up in my schedule, but it might be too early to say that.
What happens to us when we sleep is quite interesting. I mean, we don’t know how we act when we’re sleeping since we’re basically unconscious, so I guess it’s just kind of nice to know what we’re doing for a third of our day (At least, we’re supposed to be sleeping for a third of our day. Obviously, that’s not always the case.). Actually, dreaming takes up only a part of the time that we’re using to sleep. A really, really small fraction of our sleep. At the same time, there’s so much to talk about that small fraction because so much happens.
The documentary talked about what happens to people when we’re in the REM stage of sleep. REM stands for “rapid eye movement” and is the period of time when people are dreaming in their sleep. Our eyes move quickly under our closed lids (hence, the name), and our pulse quickens as though we are physically moving. Most of your body is paralyzed during this stage of sleep, so when people wake up and feel like they can’t move at all for a few seconds, it means that their body was still in REM sleep condition when their eyes opened.
People who aren’t paralyzed during REM sleep are known to have REM sleep behavior disorder where their bodies are thrashing and violently moving as they remain asleep. These movements are believed to mock the movements we are subconsciously experiencing while we are dreaming. This can also lead to people sleepwalking and performing dangerous actions while they are asleep. So paralysis can be a good thing sometimes!
When people have these subconscious experiences we come to know as dreams while in consciousness, they are diagnosed to have psychosis, a state of mind where one has lost touch with reality because they continuously perceive hallucinations instead of what is actually there. Psychosis can occur when someone hasn’t had enough sleep for very long periods of time. This just goes to show how necessary it is for us to dream. Even if a person doesn’t get to dream when they’re asleep, then the body makes it so that there’s room for the person to dream somehow anyway. When you think about it, this means that it’s healthy for everyone to be psychotic. We just deem it unhealthy when it happens while we’re awake, yet everyone does it everyday.
It’s kind of amazing that so much can happen in our mind in so little time. We only sleep for a fraction of a day, yet within that small fraction, our subconscious can create and perceive a world that we couldn’t consciously imagine to be living in. Yet, when we are awake, the only thing our conscious has to do is perceive the physics of the world we really do live in. I think this just goes to show how much more powerful our subconscious is than our conscious, how our subconscious can become a whole reality on its own. Yet, at the same time, there is such a detachedness from this powerful other half of our mind (Technically, our subconscious makes up a lot more than half of our mind. Freud refers to the conscious as the tip of the iceberg and the subconscious as everything else underneath.). We consciously feel disjointed with our subconscious when we are awake.
Dreaming is believed to be where our consciousness is used to be in touch with our subconscious. Throughout our experience when we are awake, our unconscious picks up various background information that we don’t really consciously notice. This subconscious act is known as parallel processing because there are so many elements to our awake reality that are being picked up and analyzed, all without us really knowing. In our dreams, that background information is finally experienced consciously. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to us because all the information collected together really is too much for the conscious to handle. The stuff that the unconscious picks up far exceed the capacity that the conscious can retain. It’s also part of the reason why our dreams feel pretty fuzzy when we experience them. There is only a few bits of the information that our conscious can pick up, so it’s really difficult to piece together the whole picture that our subconscious is feeling.
Um. So that’s everything that’s recently been on my mind in a nutshell. Yeah, I know, I’m on break. I’m supposed to be thinking about anything that’s NOT related to school. I dunno, maybe I just enjoy what I’ve been learning so far.
Yeah, I think it’s a pretty long list too, and a few of those things probably will take a while to finish. But I made this bucket list so that I always have something to work on in case there’s some spare time between hanging out with friends and SLEEPING.
Books to read/reread: Deathly Hallows, Stones into Schools (or Three Cups of Tea), Pride and Prejudice, Slaughterhouse 5, The Hunger Games, Ana and the French Kiss, A Thousand Splendid Suns, One Fly Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
Movies to watch/re-watch: Inception, Tangled, Tron: Legacy, Despicable Me, Toy Story series, Princess Mononoke
Series to finish/catch up on: DBZ, Sailor Moon, House, Bokura Ga Ita, Secret Garden, Sunao ni Narenakute
Manga to catch up on: Reborn!, Full Metal Alchemist, Kuroshitsuji
Finish All Star Mode on Brawl
Finish the Munny I started painting in August
Find something to give to my parents for their anniversary (12/19)
Holiday cards for family that’s coming over for my birthday
Figure out wtf to do on my birthday
Get better at Chinese; avoid speaking English to parents when they talk to me in Chinese
Find a Decal class to get into to in case PH116 doesn’t work out
Email somebody about moving my Soc 1 Discussion
Review Chem1A notes from last spring semester
Learn some Calc BC so I don’t die during Math 16B this semester
Update iPod music: 8eight, Bruno Mars, Yiruma, Daft Punk
Get to work on that story I’ve been planning on for so long
If last week was called dead week, they should make finals week called “deadER week”.
Haha, I thought that was pretty funny.
In all honesty, I think I’m getting through these weeks pretty well. I just need to not screw up on my upcoming exams. Sadly, that’s easier said than done.
But at least I’m going home soon :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t wait to go back. Real food, real family, real friends. Everything just feels so much more vivid and moving when I go back home.
Thanks for the good times, Berkeley, but I’ll be taking a well-deserved break from you for a month.
I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship with this place. Berkeley has beaten me more than it has made me happy, yet I can’t help but keep going with this place. Probably because my parents already paid for it. Hahaha. So now Berkeley sounds like someone I paid to get into an abusive relationship with.
I haven't written one of these things since I was 6
I promise I will never eat cheddar bunnies and gummy worms for dinner ever again.
And I will try to avoid sleeping at 7 am after today. I will especially avoid combining the two unhealthy habits. My stomach hurts a lot right now, anyway.
It’s times like these when I wonder how you’re able to put up with so many all-nighters what with making all the children’s wishes come true at the same time every year. It must be kind of brutal having something like this creep up on you annually. I guess I kind of know how you feel right now, and it looks like this isn’t going to be the last reminder I’ll be getting. I know how you feel, Santa. I’m really tired right now too.
I guess the only thing that keeps us going is the long term goal we get out of working so hard that our brains explode. You give the world’s children happiness, and I… Well, I’m not exactly sure yet, but I’m sure some long term goal comes out of doing this so much because it’d really suck if I was doing this for nothing.
I promise I’ll ask my mom to bake you her awesome chocolate chip cookies because I know I could use some right about now. We might not have a Christmas tree up in my house, but there’s definitely a fireplace for you to drop by.
I’ll make extra if your reindeer want some.
Can I please use my Christmas miracle now? I’m pretty sure that’d be very wonderful, even if it would make my Christmas a little early. I wish I could give you a Christmas miracle in return, but I think the cookies will have to do this year.
If you can’t give me a miracle, can you give my boyfriend one? He’s having a harsh time too..
Actually, come to think of it, a lot of people I know are. But I think it’d be a little much to ask you to take care of the entire UC Berkeley student body. If it’s not too much trouble for you, though, I’m sure a lot of people would really, really appreciate.
I’ll leave out cookies and milk as thanks on Christmas Eve. Sorry I can’t give you real milk. 3 out of 4 family members are lactose intolerant, so we’ve only got soy milk. If you could give me my lactose tolerance back, that’d be a nice Christmas miracle too.
But I think surviving tomorrow afternoon will be miracle enough for me.
And plus, look at it this way: if you get this Christmas wish out of the way, that’s one less you have to worry about Christmas Eve when you have to take care of the rest of the world’s children.
And yes, this means I still believe I’m a child. I still need help, and I’m not afraid to admit that.
Even if you don’t grant my wish, it was nice typing this out anyway. I have the same gratification I would have gotten from tearing my pillow apart. Which I haven’t done yet, thank goodness. Otherwise, how would I ever sleep tonight?
Oh wait. I guess I’m not sleeping tonight, anyway. Lol.
Life sucks very much right now. But that’s okay… Because someone’s with me :)
I think there’s something unhealthy about not eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner but rather a box of cheddar bunnies and a bag of trolli brite crawlers accompanied by two bottles of diet coke. All eaten after 10 pm.
I haven’t gone to sleep before 4 am this whole week, and I’m not that tired. I think something’s seriously wrong with me.
Winter break can’t come sooner, but it’ll feel that much sweeter.
Poli Sci final, YOU’RE MINE!
In other news, if you’re ever in a panic attack (like the ones I’ve been having sometimes), a good dosage of Joe Hisaishi’s music should do the trick. Note: it doesn’t work when you’re listening to his brilliant piano pieces while doing something that propagates your panic attack (eg: studying for the final you know you’re totally not ready for. May I suggest taking a nap while listening to him?).
Sigh. I think just the wee hours in the morning are just driving me nuts. I kind of like it like this though. I feel like a different person…
If there’s a reason, it’s lost on me. Maybe we’ll be friends. I guess we’ll see.
Yeah, I’m a song lyric kind of a person. Is it odd that the song writer who’s a complete stranger to me can convey a feeling or idea in such a vivid way, so true to how I feel that I can’t even come to explain it better myself? I mean, sometimes I feel like I’m best friends with the person just by listening to what they’ve written. I don’t care if there’s no intense imagery or big five-syllable words weaved into the lines or that dumb iambic pentameter (I never got how the pentameter made Shakespeare’s plays sound that much better. Then again, I never really got Shakespeare’s plays in the first place). If my real best friend weaved all those English devices every time I talked to her, I think I’d feel rather disconnected, anyway. All that matters is that I connect through voice, through words of an unknown voice. Yeah, I guess that does sound kind of odd, but all that matters is that it sounds good. Which means the song writer is doing his/her job right.
Ugh. Then again, at this time in the morning, anything sounds good. Why can’t I go to sleep?!
But just putting this out there: if I ever meet a guy who can hit the high notes in this song, I think I’ll be done with life. It’d just be so amazing, nothing that I’ll do for the rest of my life would ever match up to it.
I guess I exaggerate a lot at stupidly early hours in the day too.
I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, the bracelets, and the beads. Nickels and dimes, yours and mine. Did you cash in all your dreams?
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”—Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey